Faith,Fasting & Feminism

Been reflecting on two aspects of faith that have been giving me cause for concern this week for very different reasons.
The first was the discussion at Ss Peter & Paul's PCC meeting at which decisions were neede with respect to the current resolutions - prior to the meeting A,B & C were in place. After much discussion, thought and prayer the overall result was to rescind A & C but to keep B. Although most (but not all) were personally in favour of rescinding all three the view was that for many of the remaining congregation a female incumbent at this stage would be just too much change after a time of great turmoil and for many much personal heartache.
So in any many ways a significant step forward and much joy now we are back under the episcopal care of the Bishop of Chelmsford particulary with the forthcoming confirmation service.
I long for the day when a woman celebrates at the altar at Hockley - I am obviously convinced that it is right and proper and that in no way will be in detract from the underlying catholic tradition although I know many of my fellow parishioners still can't quite get their hands round the concept of retaining cathoicism and accepting the priesthood of women. I feel so strongly about this in my soul and truly believe that this is God's call to me - He led me to Hockley for a reason and I pray that by listening to Him and through the power of the Holy Spirit I can play some small part in rebuilding this place of prayer and faith.
And what of my own unfailing catholic tradition? I felt truly tested last night when faced with the dilemma of breaking my Eucharistic fast in order to eat with my college colleagues. I so don't want to come across as some kind of pious freak ( is that too strong a word!) and I know within my heart that God would understand if I and eaten but I just couldn't do it and I am glad I didn't. Of course God wouldn't have struck me down for breaking my fast but for me that moment of meeting with Him at the Holy table would have been weakened when I felt in great need of His presence.
What my fellow Ordinands truly thought I don't know but I felt supported in my decision by all those of whom were aware of it and maybe it has been a point of reflection for them as well in terms of that "generous orthodoxy" that exists between us. I remain steadfast in my practice and even more aware of God walking this road with me.

The journey begins in earnest.....

After weeks of saying to myself I really must get back on th blog here I am. Hoping that my not so new toy of an IPad will make finding the time to post that much easier but also wondering if I will be discipline enough to write regularly.
My long and winding road really has started and already I am wondering what I have done - or more to the pint what has God done! I keep thinking that there has been a mistake and I'm not really meant to be actually training to be a priest. It's been worse weirdly when I have been at college when I just feel so unworthy and lightweight next to my fellow Ordinands (still loving being able to use that word!)Yet when I'm not there but reading,working,being in church or just simply being , it all seems exactly right and what I was born for. Yes I still worry about workload, balancing family and work commitments and what will happen when I complete my training but there is something very calm inside me saying all will be well and I know that I need to hang on to that as there are tough times ahead and I shall ned all my reserves of strength and faith to carry me through such times.
One of the things that has ben recommended to us is to keep a journal reflecting on how our training is going and how we feel. So this is my journal and musings on how it feels to be aspiring to priesthood but maintaining my identity as wife, mother , daughter , friend, colleague.Could this be a form of contextual theology? Is God working His purpose out in me? I don't know but here I go finding out!