First residential weekend done and a mixed bag of emotions as a result. Absolutely love the academic stuff - get a real thrill from being taught by such amazing theologians ( yes I know need to get over my Jane Williams obsession!) but finding the worship more of a challenge.
I don't know why arms in the air make me uncomfortable but they do. I actually quite like the worship songs once I get the hang of them and even find myself moving in time to the music (steady on there!) but I can't quite seem to get into the extempore nature and really let myself go. I am unable to pray out loud even when I feel I have something I want to pray for and as for the whole hugging at The Peace - too far! OK it was very cold in the chapel and a bit of shared body heat goes a long way but I felt forced into a situation I wasn't completely comfortable with but went along with cos I didn't want to appear stand offish.
Then I start worrying about the authenticity of my vocation - if I can't move with the times then what sort of priest can I be in a contemporary expression of Church?
Is the catholic tradition to which I am committed where it's at today or is it redundant other than on All Soul's Day and when people want a good old fashioned worship experience to remind them of things past.Are we catholics just a relic of the past? I firmly believe not.The Catholic tradition has much to offer today's church and society. To be catholic is not to deny evangelism and is a force for social change.
And I know that because just when I am feeling like my catholicism is a barrier to my vocation what drops into my inbox but information about the Dearmer Society. At last a place to meet others who share my theology. So now I don't feel isolated but empowered.
And I know that while I may feel uncomfortable with arms raised my charismatic colleagues no doubt feel equally uncomfortable with genuflection and other expressions of catholicism.
I know these challenges will not vanish but I also know I am not alone in my feelings of displacedness and that I am at a place where "generous orthodoxy" is the
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